


Words to Say

by AAvery



Series: Hyuk/Leo oneshots & stories [10]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Emotional awakening, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 12:05:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13434366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AAvery/pseuds/AAvery
Summary: He had nothing against men pursuing other men. Nothing. He didn’t care what Wonsik and Jaehwan did behind closed doors or what he now suspected was between Hongbin and Hakyeon. If they were happy, he was happy. A relationship with another man was just something that never occurred to him. So when Sanghyuk had kissed him, it left him feeling… well, he didn’t quite know how he felt.He settled on weird, that being the only word he felt comfortable enough to assign to this feeling.Sanghyuk probably hadn’t meant to kiss him and, once he realized his mistake, he played it off as a joke. A defense mechanism. Nothing more.Too bad it still left Taekwoon horribly confused.





	Words to Say

“Absolutely not!”

“We’re already amazing at it, why do we have to practice more?”

“Come on, hyung. I _just_ sat down.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Can’t we just sleep?”

“Can’t you all stop complaining and just listen to me for once?” Hakyeon finally snapped, immediately silencing any further complaints from his five ungrateful children. Taekwoon had hardly ever heard Hakyeon raise his voice the way he did or look as genuinely angry as he did right now.

“Thank you,” he said, sitting back down from where he had stood up. “I know we’ve been good at this game in the past, but it’s been a while… I don’t want to go on camera and look stupid.”

No one protested as their leader spoke; that surprised Taekwoon more than anything else. Wonsik would always rather sleep, Jaehwan would always protest loudly, and Hongbin and Sanghyuk always- _always-_ had snarky comments to throw at their hyungs.

But this time… there was nothing.

“Now everyone, line up.”

Taekwoon wasn’t going to move from where he was on the couch and everyone knew it. So the other four members found a spot around him so that Taekwoon was on the end with Sanghyuk right next to him, furthest from Hakyeon who held all the paper.

Taekwoon could not believe he was actually going to play this stupid paper-kissing game at two o’clock in the morning and their variety show broadcast wasn’t for another few days. Taekwoon was with Wonsik on this one, couldn’t they just sleep? Practice this silly game some other time when it wasn’t an ungodly hour of the morning?

“You all remember how to play, right?” Hakyeon asked once everyone was situated on the couch. And despite the choir of ‘yes’s he received, he stated to explain anyway.

“You just have to pass the paper, mouth to mouth. You can’t use your hands and you can’t let the paper fall to the ground.”

“We know how to play, hyung,” Sanghyuk complained. He looked tired… everyone looked tired but Taekwoon hadn’t noticed Sanghyuk look so drained in a while. But the look practically vanished when Hakyeon threw a crumpled ball of paper at him in punishment for speaking out. It missed terribly, hitting Hongbin instead as Sanghyuk erupted into laughter. His smile washed away every hint of fatigue and exhaustion away, as if it had never been there to begin with.

“You missed!” He yelled, giggling over the angry look that was slowly starting to form on Hongbin’s face as his sleep-filled mind pieced together what had just happened.

“Shut up, you brat,” Hakyeon shouted, laughing right along with Sanghyuk.

“How about we play this damn game, so I can go to bed,” Hongbin grumbled, elbowing Sanghyuk in the side harshly. Sanghyuk cried out exaggeratedly in pain, doubling over against Taekwoon’s shoulder as he whined.

“Ow! What did you do that for? I didn’t throw the paper!”

“Yeah? And I also didn’t turn all your white shirts pink in the laundry, yet you still attacked me for it!”

“It was your underwear that did it!”

“Why does this always happen?” Hakyeon mumbled to himself before yelling: “Guys, come on. Let’s just practice and go to bed.”

“Fine,” Hongbin and Sanghyuk conceded. Sanghyuk sat back up from Taekwoon’s shoulder. He felt an inexplicable loss of heat. It didn’t make any sense; the man was still seated next to him, incredibly close since five fully grown adults sat on one small couch.

“Now let’s start. Jaehwannie!” Hakyeon said, clapping his hands to snap Jaehwan out of his dozing sleep. Jaehwan bolted up instantly, screaming:

“It wasn’t me, it was Hyukkie!”

Everyone looked at him and he looked back at them, equally as confused as to what just happened.

“What?” Wonsik finally asked, laughing the question out.

“Nothing, it’s nothing. Let’s just practice.”

“Why is your first instinct to blame Hyuk-ah?”

“Nah, it’s cool. Whatever he’s blaming me for probably was my fault,” Sanghyuk joked, waving it off.

“Fine, whatever,” Hakyeon dismissed, clearly wanting to go to bed as much as everyone else.

“Jaehwannie you first, then Ravi, Hongbin, Hyukkie, and last Taekwoonie.”

“We can see how the line is set, hyung. Let’s just get this over with,” Hongbin complained.

Hakyeon rolled his eyes, but only held out the stack of copy paper for Jaehwan to take the first sheet.

It started out pretty rough, as it always did. Wonsik squealed like a little girl, having his lips so close to Jaehwan’s. Which, honestly, didn’t make any sense at all since Wonsik kissed Jaehwan all the time when he thought no one was looking. Taekwoon guessed the paper made it weird… for some reason.

Hongbin and Sanghyuk were, of course, instant naturals, getting the head tilt and suction just right naturally and way before anyone else. Taking the paper from Sanghyuk wasn’t easy. Especially since Taekwoon couldn’t bring himself to go anywhere near Sanghyuk’s face- let alone his lips- for the first few sheets. All the angry yelling at his failed attempts, however, finally forced him to suck it up and indirectly kiss Sanghyuk.

After three successful sheets of paper making it all the way down the line, Hakyeon announced:

“Let’s do two more and go to bed.”

To which, everyone cheered happily and passed the second to last paper easily.

The last sheet passed from Jaehwan to Wonsik with no problems, from Wonsik to Hongbin with ease, from Hongbin to Sanghyuk like second nature.

But the pass between Sanghyuk and Taekwoon sent unpleasant shivers down Taekwoon’s spine.

Sanghyuk must not have had a good grip on the paper, because when Taekwoon swooped in to take it, it wasn’t paper his lips were met with. Instead, Taekwoon found himself in an open-mouthed kiss with their youngest member. His first thoughts, after the initial shock, was it could’ve been an unfortunate accident. But what quickly dispelled that thought was, when Taekwoon instinctively moved to pull away, Sanghyuk followed after him to avoid leaving contact. Everyone in the immediately cried out in disgust, laughing at Taekwoon’s misfortune as Sanghyuk, unbeknownst to them, actually had the guts to slip his tongue in to Taekwoon’s mouth. Sanghyuk was legitimately and purposefully kissing him.

He froze, feeling a weird mixture of shock and discomfort as soft lips easily slid against his.

Then it occurred to him, struck him suddenly more like it, that he should most definitely push Sanghyuk off of him.

So he did, pushing the larger male off and standing up suddenly. Sanghyuk looked shocked for a minute; almost like he was terrified by what he had just done as Taekwoon glared down at him angrily.

“What is your problem?” Taekwoon asked in a rare moment where his voice was voluntarily louder than a mumble.

Sanghyuk broke into a smile, a laugh; it all seemed too forced.

“Ah hyung, I was just messing around,” he said, everyone except Taekwoon laughed.

“It’s okay Woonie, it was just an accident,” Hakyeon tried, stepping closer to him and placing a hand on his shoulder for comfort.

“It happens,” Wonsik shrugged.

“Yeah, remember that time we found Wonsik and Jaehwan ‘practicing’ in the closet?” Hongbin spoke up, instantly earning slaps from both Jaehwan and Wonsik.

None of this helped Taekwoon. He wanted to scream, get angry, say something, take revenge. But that look of horror on Sanghyuk’s face before he started laughing made Taekwoon think twice about all that.

“I’m going to bed,” he declared angrily, before retreating to his bedroom; never having been so thankful that he had his own room now than ever before.

~*~

Taekwoon woke up the next morning to a light knocking on his door. And when he finally got around to opening it, he was surprised to find a very jittery Sanghyuk standing on the other side.

“What?” He snapped. It came out a lot harsher than he meant it to be. After much thought on the matter last night- because, honestly, how could he sleep after that- he had decided he was more shocked by the whole ordeal rather than angry that it had happened. It’s not like that was his first kiss, far from it, but it had been his first kiss with another man. A man that happened to be a close friend and someone he lived with.

He had nothing against men wanting to do those kinds of things with other men. Nothing. He didn’t care what Wonsik and Jaehwan did behind closed doors or what he now suspected was between Hongbin and Hakyeon. If they were happy, he was happy. A relationship with another man was just something that never occurred to him. So that kiss left him feeling… well, he didn’t quite know how he felt.

He settled on weird, that being the only word he felt comfortable enough to assign to this feeling.

Sanghyuk probably hadn’t meant to kiss him and, once he realized his mistake, he played it off as a joke. A defense mechanism. Nothing more.

“I wanted…” Sanghyuk started and then cleared his throat before continuing. “I wanted to apologize about last night. I shouldn’t have done that.”

He wouldn’t look Taekwoon in the eye, finding the floor infinitely more interesting.

“It was only an accident,” Taekwoon mumbled and Sanghyuk flinched slightly.

“That’s the thing…” He took a deep breath. “It wasn’t an accident… I did it on purpose. Hakyeon-hyung told me I should tell you everything.”

That bit of information practically short-circuited Taekwoon’s brain. That didn’t… That couldn’t make any sense!

“What?” He asked before he could stop himself. Sanghyuk froze in place, looking utterly terrified for reasons Taekwoon couldn’t understand.

“I was tired… and it’s just… Wonsik has Jaehwan and Hakyeon has Hongbin so I was feeling lonely. Tired and lonely are not a good mix for me evidently and kissing you sounded like a really good idea in my head… I’m really sorry, hyung, please don’t be mad at me.”

Sanghyuk looked up at Taekwoon as he finished speaking, continuing to beg with his eyes. Taekwoon took in the younger male’s appearance and was struck with all sorts of worry. He looked ragged, even more than he usually did in the morning when he stumbled out of his room for breakfast. His sandy blond hair was a greasy mess, his clothes were wrinkled all over, and his eyes had large dark circles under them. He could tell that Sanghyuk hadn’t slept at all last night. Why was this incident something that kept Sanghyuk awake all night? Because by the looks of his clothes, he had been tossing and turning all night long. Something more must be bothering him, something a lot more serious than what he told Taekwoon.

“I’m not mad,” Taekwoon said finally. Sanghyuk seemed to relax a little at that.

“Oh thank God,” Sanghyuk breathed out. “I don’t know if I could live with myself if you hated me for all this.”

Why did he care so much? What wasn’t he telling him? It seemed to never have been that big of a deal in the past. Hell, Sanghyuk _lived_ to piss Taekwoon off with all his petty jokes and blatant disregard for personal space.

“There’s something else I need to tell you… Hakyeon-hyung doesn’t think I should keep it a secret anymore if it’s affecting my performance…” Sanghyuk mumbled, avoiding Taekwoon’s gaze again like his life depended on it.

He didn’t say anything, waiting for Sanghyuk to say whatever it is he needed to tell him so badly.

“The reason I kissed specifically you… is because,” Sanghyuk paused, seeming to think through his words very carefully. “Is because I really like you… and I don’t mean in a brotherly, friendly way either.”

Taekwoon continued to stay silent, only now he was shocked into silence instead of it being a conscious choice.

“I don’t know when or really how it happened but you’re all I can think about sometimes. And I know this is a lot to spring on you all of a sudden and I really don’t expect anything from you now or ever. I just… I can’t keep it in anymore. I can’t sleep, can’t eat, sometimes it feels like I can’t even breathe… Just… can we still be friends? I can’t lose you on top of all this…”

Taekwoon let everything Sanghyuk had just admitted to him sink in. Part of him thought that this was some elaborate prank… but looking at how completely miserable Sanghyuk looked, a much larger part of Taekwoon believed everything.

“Of course we’re still friends, don’t be stupid,” Taekwoon mumbled. Sanghyuk let out the breath he had been apparently holding in, a weak smile appearing on his lips.

“You have no idea how glad I am to hear that,” Sanghyuk admitted quietly.

“I can’t return your feelings…”

“I figured as much,” Sanghyuk agreed with a resigned nod, smile slowly slipping from his face.

Both of them stood in the doorway for a silent second. Taekwoon wanted to do something to console the clearly tortured soul in front of him. Hug him, hold him, pat his back, tell him it’d all be okay in the end; but, he figured most of those things would just be cruel. So he did nothing. Said nothing.

“Well,” Sanghyuk broke the silence first, sniffling quietly and refusing to look up. “I should go get ready… we’ll be leaving soon…”

“Right,” Taekwoon agreed. Sanghyuk nodded again, beginning to walk towards his and Wonsik’s shared bedroom.

“Sanghyuk-ah?” Taekwoon called after the retreating man. Sanghyuk stopped walking but did not turn around, very clearly wiping at his eyes despite trying very hard to hide it. He didn’t say anything so Taekwoon continued: “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

But the way his voice cracked over the words told Taekwoon it was anything but.

~*~

When Sanghyuk finally exited his shared bedroom that morning, everyone was getting ready to leave for their day long practice.

“Hyuk-ah? Have you eaten anything?” Hakyeon asked as their youngest member met everyone at the door to get his shoes.

Sanghyuk shook his head, Hakyeon sighed deeply.

“There’s no time now…”

“I’m not hungry, anyway,” Sanghyuk agreed, bending down to lace up his sneakers. Taekwoon took in the younger man’s appearance; it was like he had gone through a complete transformation from the man who was standing terrified outside his bedroom door earlier. His hair was washed, looking fluffier than ever. His clothes were fresh and no longer so disheveled. He must’ve used some of Hakyeon’s skin products or makeup to hide the prominent bags under his eyes because they were no longer there. His eyes were a little bloodshot but so were everyone’s so that wouldn’t cause any one to worry.

Sanghyuk glanced nervously his way when he stood back up, obviously on edge by the way Taekwoon was staring at him. Taekwoon averted his eyes having been caught in the act.

“You sure?” Wonsik asked, pulling his coat on. “There’s probably some energy bars in the cabinet… Unless Jaehwan has hid them again.”

“Hey! I don’t hide food!” Jaehwan shouted, it was entirely too early for him to be so loud and if Taekwoon was in a different mood he would have hit him.

“Sure you don’t. That’s why I have to search in your closet for cereal every morning,” Hongbin grumbled.

Sanghyuk laughed, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. A fake smile adorned his face as he spoke:

“No really, I’m good… I’ll just make sure to eat lunch.”

“Make sure you do,” Hakyeon said slowly, looking skeptically up and down Sanghyuk’s figure. Clearly, he could tell something was wrong. “Are you okay?”

Sanghyuk looked a little startled by the question. He looked from Hakyeon to each of his members faces before finally landing on Taekwoon.

“I’m fine,” he said, smiling brightly.

It was all perfect, white teeth and dimpled cheeks. His eyes crinkled into adorable little crescents, conveying an expression of pure happiness, completely different from the fake smile he had been wearing only moments before. A genuine smile.

Taekwoon’s breath caught in his throat at being the recipient of such a smile.

“Alright… Let’s get to practice then before we get in trouble.”

~*~

The days went by smoothly, as if nothing at all had transpired between Sanghyuk and Taekwoon. Everything went on as it normally did. They all practiced for upcoming concerts and showcases, joked around, bounced ideas off each other for their next concept, and attended everything that was required of them. It was weird, Sanghyuk acted as if nothing had happened at all. As if he hadn’t poured his heart out in front of Taekwoon. As if he wasn’t in love with him anymore.

Their broadcast went on without a hitch. They even placed first among the other idols that had gone on before them. Their paper kissing game went especially well, and when Sanghyuk stood between Wonsik and Hongbin this time around, no one said anything.

It was that Friday night, that found Taekwoon sitting with his band members eating at a restaurant for the first time in a while. It was a reward for spending so much time working throughout the week without much of a chance to do anything else. Everyone was excited, even Sanghyuk who hadn’t had much of an appetite as of late.

There was lively chatter throughout the entire dinner. Taekwoon spoke when spoken to but, as usual, was too entranced in his food to really care. His eating habits were poor… everyone told him so whenever they saw him eating. Today was just one of those days where he never stopped feeling hungry, so he kept focused on his food more than the conversation around him.

He was taken out of his one-track mind when someone abruptly kicked him under the table.

“What?” He snapped, looking up to the person sitting across from him. He hadn’t meant to sound so harsh, the kick hadn’t even hurt that much, but he was feeling especially irritable for reasons he blamed on hunger.

“I called your name like four times and you didn’t notice,” Sanghyuk said across from him, looking a little guilty. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Taekwoon’s glare softened, he felt bad for snapping at Sanghyuk. He hadn’t done anything wrong.

“You didn’t…” Taekwoon said. “Did you need something?”

Sanghyuk swallowed the food he had put in his mouth before answering.

“You should slow down on the food… you’re going to get yourself sick.”

Taekwoon’s chest tightened hearing how concerned Sanghyuk sounded.

“I’m not going to get myself sick,” Taekwoon immediately argued back, looking up at Sanghyuk instead of his food to better get the point across. The younger male was biting his lip, worrying it between his teeth. Then he smiled, a real smile with bright eyes and plush lips outlining perfectly white teeth. He thought about how those lips had felt against his own… soft… warm… Taekwoon quickly pushed such thoughts out of his mind as soon as he realized how wrong they were.

“Not intentionally anyway,” Sanghyuk laughed, a melodious sound that made Taekwoon feel like joining in as well.

“I’m just hungry… and you shouldn’t be judging me on my eating habits,” Taekwoon retorted, placing down his utensils and crossing his arms.

Sanghyuk only laughed again, making Taekwoon feel lighter.

“You have a point, but you eat like this all the time… Going days without eating and then eating one big meal…”

Taekwoon watched Sanghyuk’s lips as he spoke, entranced by the way he moved them to pronounce every word. He couldn’t help it… those perfectly soft lips left him stunned.

“Yeah and? That’s just how I eat,” Taekwoon said distractedly.

“It can’t be healthy…” Sanghyuk was biting his lip again, clearly very worried about Taekwoon.

“I can’t help it…” Taekwoon looked away, catching the smile Sanghyuk gave him only out of the corner of his eye.

“I know… I…” Sanghyuk seemed to pause for a second, rethinking his words carefully. “We just don’t want you to get yourself hurt.”

The look of concern on Sanghyuk’s face tore Taekwoon apart. After what he did to the younger man, Sanghyuk still cared enough about him to be worried for his wellbeing… how did he come to deserve such a person in his life?

“I’ll…” Taekwoon sighed, taking a deep breath and trying to sound like he really meant what he was about to promise. He really did mean it, but he wasn’t sure if Sanghyuk would realize that or if he would think Taekwoon was just saying it to get him off his back. “I’ll try…”

There was that bright smile once more, directed at him and only him.

“But,” Taekwoon continued. “Only if you promise to eat better too.”

Sanghyuk’s smile faded slightly as he thought what Taekwoon said over in his mind.

“Together then,” Sanghyuk agreed, smile fully emerging as he spoke. Taekwoon’s heart fluttered in his chest for reasons he couldn’t even begin to understand at seeing those wonderfully crescent eyes, the picture of happiness. This wasn’t even the first time it had happened throughout the week… Nothing like this had ever happened before, as far as he knew.

What was wrong with him?

~*~

“Sanghyuk! You better hurry your ass up, I wanna go to bed,” Hongbin called from outside the bathroom door, sounding entirely too threatening for something so trivial. “You’ve been in there entirely too long!”

Taekwoon scoffed from where he sat on the couch, flipping through a magazine Hakyeon had recommended he read. It was another relatively late night; though, this time they didn’t have such an early practice the next morning, so no one was really in a rush to get to sleep… except Hongbin apparently.

Sanghyuk had rushed into the bathroom almost the second they’d gotten home from their dance practice, screaming at the top of his lungs how badly he needed a shower. No one paid him much attention; there was another bathroom in the dorm if someone needed it. But then Hakyeon had claimed the other bathroom when Sanghyuk hadn’t come out after ten minutes.

Another ten minutes had gone by with neither bathroom opening up and Taekwoon could just see Hongbin getting more and more impatient as they both relaxed in the living room. He couldn’t really understand Hongbin’s frustration, he would have plenty of time in the morning to get cleaned up. Besides, Taekwoon really couldn’t see Sanghyuk taking that much longer in his bathroom so if Hongbin was really worried about it he’d just have to wait probably a couple more minutes for Sanghyuk to get out. Yet, he continued to bang on the door and shout at Sanghyuk through the thin wood.

“Will you calm down? I just need to put my pants on, you jerk!” Sanghyuk’s voice sounded muffled through the door, but Taekwoon could hear the annoyance in it all the same. So did Hongbin.

“I will not calm down, you’ve been in there for twenty minutes!” Hongbin huffed.

“There’s another bathroom!”

“Not when Hakyeon’s in it!”

The lock on the bathroom door clicked and the door swung open to reveal a very annoyed Sanghyuk. He stood in the doorway still rubbing at his head with a towel to dry his hair. He only had his pants pulled up: sweat pants that hung relatively low on his hips since they were a few sizes too big.

Sanghyuk was barely out the door before Hongbin was rushing inside the bathroom, closing the door and locking it behind him.

“Wow,” Sanghyuk laughed, moving the towel from his head to sling it around his neck, revealing a shock of messy blond hair. Strands stuck up everywhere making him look entirely too adorable, especially when Taekwoon knew the personality behind such a look.

He laughed at his own thoughts, going back to his magazine. He heard Sanghyuk leave the room, probably heading in search of food from their small kitchen. He wasn’t too particularly invested in this magazine, but he didn’t have anything to do. Wonsik had gone to bed the second they returned home and Jaehwan had holed himself up in his room to practice some more. Hakyeon was probably in the middle of his extensive, nightly skin-care routine and wouldn’t want to be disturbed. Hongbin had just gone into the shower… so all that left for Taekwoon to potentially socialize with was Sanghyuk…

That wasn’t really a huge deal, what happened in the past was in the past. Taekwoon just had the hardest time concentrating whenever Sanghyuk was around in a conversation. Maybe it would be better if it were just Sanghyuk instead of the entire group… he doubted it.

Taekwoon was snapped out of his thoughts when a granola bar hit him square in the face, right between his eyes on his forehead. Laughter immediately echoed through the room so Taekwoon knew exactly who had thrown the food at him.

“Whoops, sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you in the face,” Sanghyuk laughed, paddling back into the living room. He held an identical bar of food in his hand, half eaten in his right hand. He still did not have a shirt on.

“It’s fine,” Taekwoon grumbled, even though he was silently annoyed. It was only an accident… he couldn’t get mad. Plus, he was too tired to care all that much.

“If you say so,” Sanghyuk said around a mouthful of his granola. He walked over to the couch, standing over Taekwoon as he read from the magazine Taekwoon held below him.

Taekwoon suddenly couldn’t breathe for reasons he couldn’t understand. He felt awkward with Sanghyuk standing there, half naked. It hardly made any sense. He’d seen all of his members in various stages of undress practically every day, so he couldn’t understand his sudden problem with Sanghyuk not wearing a shirt. Maybe it was because of his proximity.

He was pretty close. Taekwoon could smell the body wash Sanghyuk had used to clean himself. It overwhelmed his senses, making him feel like he was floating. All Taekwoon could focus on was alabaster skin stretched over taunt muscles. He was chiseled or curved in all the right places, damp skin glistening in the dim light of the living room. He looked nice, no wonder so many fans screamed over him. Taekwoon had never really had the chance to appreciate Sanghyuk’s appearance like this before.

“What are you reading?” Sanghyuk asked, pointing casually at the magazine as he walked towards the other couch in the room. His question snapped Taekwoon back into reality.

“Hakyeon said I should read this… I’m not even sure what it is,” Taekwoon said truthfully. He could hardly focus, but he didn’t want to go to bed just yet either.

Sanghyuk laughed, deep and melodious, drawing Taekwoon’s attention over to him once more as he sat down.

“Understandable, I usually just pretend to have read whatever Hakyeon-hyung gives me,” Sanghyuk admitted, popping the last bite of his food into his mouth and crinkling the wrapper in his hands.

Taekwoon shook his head, picking up the granola bar that had been thrown at his face.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” Taekwoon asked, holding it up for Sanghyuk to see.

“Well, you eat it,” Sanghyuk said, smiling deviously. It was like he was asking to get hit.

Sanghyuk held his hands up in defense at the glare Taekwoon shot at him.

“I know that, but why?” Taekwoon scoffed. Sanghyuk looked away, cheeks dusted a light pink. What was he embarrassment for?

“You didn’t eat any dinner…” Sanghyuk said, slowly and much quieter than before. The teasing tone that was normally in his voice had all but vanished.

“I wasn’t hungry,” Taekwoon answered. It should have been an easy answer. He’d given it so many times before since that was pretty much always the truth. But nothing he could say to himself made him feel any less guilty at not having eaten anything; especially when he remembered the promise he made to Sanghyuk just last week.

“That’s not an excuse,” Sanghyuk retorted, smiling a sad smile. “Eat it.”

“Fine,” Taekwoon agreed, opening the bar and beginning to eat slowly through it as he read.

“Thank you,” Sanghyuk laughed, standing back up and making his way towards Taekwoon. “I think I’m going to go to bed… make sure you sleep too, yeah?”

Taekwoon looked up at Sanghyuk.

“So demanding,” he teased. Sanghyuk smiled, running a hand affectionately through Taekwoon’s hair. His hand lingered a little longer than normal, but Taekwoon couldn’t find it in himself to care.

“Thank you,” Sanghyuk said again, even though Taekwoon didn’t give him a straight answer. He knew him too well.

Then he was gone, and Taekwoon felt inexplicably at a loss for what to do.

~*~

The next week was rather slow for Taekwoon. While everyone was busy running around to their various obligations, Taekwoon was told to take it slow in case his recent stomach injury made a comeback. He found himself alone at the dorm more times than he could count. Especially on the days he was given off; always he was left alone in the dorm with nothing to do.

Hakyeon was traversing Japan with his musical while Jaehwan was doing the same but in Korea. Wonsik had taken it upon himself to be apart of the entire creative process in the creation of their next album so he practically slept at his studio. And Hongbin and Sanghyuk were both away filming various dramas and movies.

So, when another day off rolled around for Taekwoon but for no one else, a call from his sister was a Godsend. Some sort of emergency had come up with her husband’s family and apparently no one was available to babysit. The situation must’ve really been dire if Taekwoon had been called upon for help. No one, not even their normal babysitter or any of Taekwoon’s other siblings, was available.

Guess it was a good thing Taekwoon had the day off then. He instructed his sister to just bring his nephew over to his dorm, he couldn’t leave the place unattended in case an emergency came up but there was never any rule about bringing a small child into the apartment. No one would come looking for him today since it was a day off and no one was home anyway. No one would ever know unless he told them, and Taekwoon was very good at keeping quiet. Besides, how could he miss an opportunity to spend time with his favorite nephew? Granted Minyul was his only nephew but that wasn’t important.

His sister dropped the small child off regardless, saying many thanks while in a rush to take care of whatever it was they needed. Taekwoon had never seen his sister in such a frantic state before so hopefully they were able to take care of everything…

He sat Minyul down on the floor of their living room, surrounding him with the toys he had requested from the small backpack he had brought with. It didn’t take long for the boy to start complaining the he was hungry so Taekwoon left him in the living room to continue playing while he made for the kitchen.

He was just about finished making food from their very sparse collection of ingredients when he heard Minyul shout from the living room.

“Uncle!” He cried excitedly. Taekwoon was slightly confused by the outburst since he wasn’t in Minyul’s line of sight and hadn’t been for at least five minutes. Did he need something? Taekwoon put down the spoon he’d been using and turned the heat off the stove before rushing in to the living room. He needed to make sure Minyul was okay.

Taekwoon felt both terror and relief at what he found in the living room

Sanghyuk sat on the ground, holding Minyul in his lap, both of them had huge smiles on their faces. Taekwoon was startled to see Sanghyuk there, he wasn’t supposed to be home till late tonight on account of some night scenes needing to be filmed for his drama, but here he was, playing happily with the toddler.

“I didn’t know you were home,” Taekwoon said, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed. A small smile graced his face looking at how happy his nephew looked.

Sanghyuk looked up at him, his own smile fading slightly to be replaced with shock.

“What?” Taekwoon asked confused. “Is there something on my face?”

“A smile,” Sanghyuk answered. Taekwoon looked away, his face felt hot.

“What are you home for?” Taekwoon asked instead of continuing whatever this conversation had turned into. “Didn’t you have to film tonight?”

Sanghyuk broke into an easy smile again, bouncing Minyul on his leg as the toddler laughed and screeched about being on a ‘horsey’.

“Yeah but it’s raining really bad outside, can’t you hear it?” Sanghyuk said. Taekwoon listened for a second and sure enough he heard the distant sounds of rain hitting the rooftop and the various windows of their apartment. He must’ve been too enraptured by his nephew and then by making food to have noticed.

“That doesn’t really explain why you’re here, though,” Taekwoon answered.

“All the scenes were supposed to be done outside and with it raining they let me go early. I’ve been home for a while just sleeping. But then I heard this adorable little thing talking to himself and I just had to come and play, isn’t that right Minyul?” Sanghyuk asked, looking down at the toddler with the brightest of smiles on his face.

“Uncle,” Minyul agreed, grabbing at Sanghyuk’s nose. Sanghyuk only laughed in response.

“He calls me his Uncle,” he laughed, looking up at Taekwoon.

“Well I’ve called you that before to him,” Taekwoon said, pushing off the doorframe to sit with the two of them.

“I didn’t think he’d remember,” Sanghyuk said cheerfully. He looked so happy to be sitting with the small child, Taekwoon couldn’t remember him smiling this brightly anywhere else. Though he supposed the same could be said about him.

“Hard to forget such a scary Uncle,” Taekwoon teased and Sanghyuk looked utterly offended.

“I’m not scary!” Sanghyuk shot back. “Just look at how happy he is!”

Taekwoon had to admit, his nephew did look pretty happy sitting with Sanghyuk and fiddling with the various bracelets Sanghyuk had adorning his wrist.

“Fine, fine, I’ll give you that,” Taekwoon agreed, standing back up and heading towards the kitchen.

“Where are you going?” Sanghyuk asked.

“It seems I have to make dinner for three instead of only two,” Taekwoon answered, turning around to look at Sanghyuk.

“Do you want help?”

“You can help by keeping Minyul happy,” Taekwoon smiled, looking at the scene below him. It was entirely too adorable for him to bear. He had to escape this room and thankfully he had the excuse of making dinner to help him.

“Hyung, can I tell you something?” Sanghyuk wasn’t looking at him anymore, averting his eyes to literally anywhere else.

“What’s that?” Taekwoon asked.

“You should smile more often… it makes you look really nice,” the younger male said, barely above a whisper. “You just were smiling a lot and I had that thought…” he explained further.

Sanghyuk still wouldn’t look up at him and Taekwoon now would not look at Sanghyuk. What a mess.

He didn’t say anything; not for lack of anything to say, but rather the inability to even breathe properly. What was wrong with him lately? Why was this such a problem all of a sudden? Sanghyuk had told him stuff like this all the time, sure it made him feel happy then too but not suffocatingly so.

He left the room then, hoping that less proximity to the man causing all his conflicting feelings would allow him to clear his mind and allow him to breathe again.

~*~

They were all back at the dance studio a few days later. They all had to prepare for an upcoming concert; old songs and new all had to be perfected yet again. It had been a rigorous practice throughout the day with little room for error and even smaller room for breaks. Their saving grace came after dinner, when they were told to work individually to continue working on what they thought they needed too. Their choreographers and back up dancers had gone home along with their stylists and camera crew. There would be no one to enforce a strict work ethic, and while none of them would slack off regardless, they would at least have a chance to sit down for a time.

After singing till his throat was raw alone in one of their smaller dance studios, Taekwoon ventured out to find something hot to drink. He knew he’d be scolded later by one of his members, probably Sanghyuk, for hurting himself but it was necessary. He had to hit all his notes perfectly, high and low, regardless of how angry someone would be with him for pushing himself too hard.

Walking towards their small break room, a sound caught his attention. He heard singing coming from one of the dance studios as he walked by them. This normally wouldn’t be such a big deal, someone was always singing somewhere during their individual practice times. But for whatever reason, Taekwoon felt enchanted by it. He carefully entered the room, trying his hardest to make his presence unknown.

Unsurprisingly, Taekwoon found Sanghyuk to be the owner of the mesmerizing voice. He really didn’t know what was wrong lately, he just kept getting drawn together with the younger male. It had been awkward at first, what with all that had happened between them. But now, Taekwoon found he rather enjoyed what little alone time he got with the younger male.

This time around was no exception.

Sanghyuk’s voice filled the room as he practiced his various parts for each song, however few and far between some of them might have been. His voice had improved so much over the years, Taekwoon marveled at its strength. It was deep when it needed to be, he hit the high notes with equal ease. He sounded hurt, lost, angry, happy, sexy all when the lyrics demanded him to. He was amazing, even if his voice wasn’t exactly on par with that of Jaehwan’s or himself. It didn’t matter.

But the more Taekwoon listened without being seen, the more he noticed how equally exhausted Sanghyuk was beginning to sound. And yet, he showed no sign of slowing down. Taekwoon sighed quietly to himself. Honestly, this kid. He would berate Taekwoon endlessly for his bad habits but then wouldn’t take care of himself in turn.

He slipped out of the room, heading towards their breakroom like he originally intended. Except now, he made tea for two, as hot as he could to ease sore throats, listening to Sanghyuk’s slowly diminishing voice in the next room over. He was beginning to crack over the higher notes, but instead of stopping like Taekwoon had, he started over from the start of the lyric.

Grabbing the tea, Taekwoon rushed from the break room and into Sanghyuk’s practice room. This time he made sure Sanghyuk noticed his entrance. The younger instantly stopped singing, immediately looking at Taekwoon a little shocked. Then the guilt sunk in slowly at having been caught destroying his voice.

“Oh hey,” Sanghyuk said, rubbing at the back of his neck and letting his hand slip down limp. His voice sounded hoarse, not as bad as it would have been had Taekwoon not stopped him, but getting there. “What are you doing here?”

Taekwoon didn’t answer, not wanting Sanghyuk to hear the hoarseness in his own voice. Instead he held out the cup of steaming tea he had made for the younger male. His eyes widened, clearly not expecting that. He was probably expecting a lecture.

“What’s this?” Sanghyuk asked, grabbing the tea carefully, fingers brushing lightly against Taekwoon’s.

“It’s tea, you drink it,” Taekwoon whispered since that was all that would come out. He hoped Sanghyuk wouldn’t notice.

“Why are you whispering,” Sanghyuk whispered back, mocking him with a small smile.

Taekwoon looked away before saying: “The same reason your voice keeps cracking.”

Sanghyuk laughed despite the pain it must’ve caused his throat. Taekwoon marveled at how happy he could be regardless of how tired and in pain he must’ve been. He returned the smile, though he was sure it came off more tired than happy.

“You know, you really shouldn’t push yourself so hard,” Sanghyuk said, voice cracking over a couple words. He blew on his tea for a bit before taking a small sip, making a face like it was still entirely too hot. Cute.

“You’re one to talk,” Taekwoon shot back. He took a sip of his tea, forcing it down despite how scalding it was. The heat would help his throat in the end.

“Fair enough,” Sanghyuk gave in, following Taekwoon’s lead and forcing himself to drink the beverage. “But you have to especially watch out, it’s not such a big deal if I can’t sing fantastically, but you on the other hand…”

Taekwoon immediately stopped that train of thought, hitting Sanghyuk on the shoulder lightly.

“Shut up and drink your tea,” Taekwoon scolded. “We both know none of what you just said is true. You’re just as important so you need to take care of your voice just as much as I do.”

As much as it pained Taekwoon to speak so much and above a whisper, he had to make sure Sanghyuk understood what he was saying.

A smile slowly grew on Sanghyuk’s face as he watched Taekwoon speak. He looked down at the ground, digging his foot into the it a few times.

“Thank you,” Sanghyuk said slowly. “For the tea,” he clarified but Taekwoon knew he meant more.

“Of course,” Taekwoon responded easily, letting himself whisper again. But it was more out of embarrassment than out of necessity this time around. After a few moments of silence, Taekwoon decided he should head back to his room to continue his practice. He wouldn’t sing anymore but maybe he could get some dancing done, maybe even a bit of song writing.

But before Taekwoon could leave, Sanghyuk caught his arm.

“H-hey, before you leave, would you mind helping me with something?” Sanghyuk practically whispered the question, and Taekwoon knew it wasn’t on account of his slightly damaged voice.

“What did you have in mind?” Taekwoon asked, walking further in to the room. If it meant more time alone with Sanghyuk, he was up for anything. He couldn’t understand why that was for the life of him, but at the moment he really didn’t care.

“You remember that new dance I’ve been working on, right?” Sanghyuk asked. “The solo one that a special choreographer came in for.”

Taekwoon thought about it for a second. He knew of it, but he’d never seen it before. The practices were usually closed off so Sanghyuk was the only one in there with the choreographer. All he knew about it was the song he could hear occasionally through the walls when the stereo was turned up particularly high.

He nodded regardless, not wanting to let Sanghyuk down.

“Well I was hoping you could just watch it, let me know if you see any glaring mistakes,” Sanghyuk wasn’t looking at him, but rather past him. Obviously worried Taekwoon would say no for some odd reason. Of course he would help him out! How could Sanghyuk honestly think otherwise?

Taekwoon nodded, downing more of his tea as he moved to the front of the room. He sat down against the mirrors, looking out at the dance floor as Sanghyuk queued up the music.

The song started up, a rather mellow beat with a lot of synth in the background. It sounded like something Wonsik would like; it wasn’t really Taekwoon’s cup of tea but he wasn’t here to judge the choreographer’s choice of music.

Sanghyuk bounced to the music, slowly making his way to the middle of the dance floor and only really beginning the routine when the first verse kicked in. The song was entirely in English so Taekwoon really didn’t understand what it was about but he could tell by the beat and the way the lyrics were sung that it had to be something sexual. And boy, did Sanghyuk’s body movements and facial expression sell it hard.

His movements were sharp and completely in time with the heavy beat in the background. He put so much energy in to his movements that Taekwoon wondered if the younger male was even tired at all. The way he danced surely didn’t convey any sort of exhaustion.

But none of that was what made him so alluring to Taekwoon.

Occasionally, the choreography had him pulling at his shirt sensually. Every time it revealed a sliver of skin, so tantalizingly smooth and pale. Taekwoon almost wished he wasn’t wearing a shirt at all. He was reminded of the night when Sanghyuk had opted to go shirtless, immediately finding the image twenty times more appealing than he had at that moment. Sanghyuk could definitely pull off shirtless for this routine.

His expression was what really sold it, however. They all had practiced countless times a ‘sexy stare’ so to speak. With so many of their concepts being of a relatively sexual nature, of course they would have to. But Taekwoon had never been on the receiving end of such a stare. Sure he would see other members expressions in the mirror while they were dancing together. Or Taekwoon would be watching a routine like he was now, only in those cases his band mates would be focused on themselves and their dancing in the mirror. Here, right now, Sanghyuk was focused solely on him. Every movement that faced the front, his expression was directed at Taekwoon. He’d close his eyes on occasion, a look of pure ecstasy on his face as he lip synced the song at the chorus.

The words he recognized at the chorus echoed in his head.

“Touch my body, baby.”

Taekwoon wasn’t sure what he was feeling… He felt tingly all over the place. A warmth was pooling in his stomach that wasn’t at all unpleasant. And to top it off, he couldn’t take his eyes off of Sanghyuk, despite the fact that Taekwoon felt his face heating up. His entire body was heating up.

It was just a dance. Even if it was a relatively sexual one, he shouldn’t be feeling this way. Feeling such an attraction to Sanghyuk.

He even found himself disappointed when the dance ended. Sanghyuk turned the stereo off before turning to Taekwoon once more, breathing heavily and once again looking exhausted.

“What’d you think?” He asked between gulps of breath.

Taekwoon nodded a few times, clearing his throat and trying to find his voice.

“I think you look amazing,” he whispered, but only because he didn’t trust his voice at the moment. He felt hot all over.

Sanghyuk broke into a smile… it came off more like a smirk to Taekwoon. The little devil knew… he had to. He did this entire thing on purpose.

“Do you really think so?” He asked. His voice was low, sounding hoarse still but it only made it sound deeper.

Taekwoon nodded again, watching as Sanghyuk stalked up to him. Taekwoon immediately bolted to his feet, feeling relatively panicked. If Sanghyuk got too close, he’d surely notice what was wrong.

“I’m glad,” the other man all but purred. Stepping even closer.

Taekwoon cleared his throat, feeling absolutely terrified by the fact that he really didn’t want to go anywhere. But he had too, he wasn’t even sure of what he was feeling. He didn’t want to regret this later and hurt Sanghyuk even more than he already had.

“I should get back to my own practice,” he said quickly. He heard Sanghyuk sigh, sounding only slightly disappointed, like he expected as much.

“Yeah that’s a good idea,” Sanghyuk agreed, walking away from Taekwoon and picking up the cup of tea once more. “Thanks for your input.”

Taekwoon really hadn’t said much but he supposed his actions spoke for him, especially if Sanghyuk could tell.

“No problem,” Taekwoon said, beginning to rush from the room. “You really did look great.” He added, just to seem less suspicious.

“Would you say… sexy?” The smirk Sanghyuk wore made Taekwoon want to drop to his knees immediately. But he couldn’t. He definitely couldn’t until he figured out what he truly wanted. But he still had to answer Sanghyuk.

“Yeah…” he said quietly and then finally escaped from the room, running down the hall to Sanghyuk’s echoing laughter.

~*~

Taekwoon woke with a start, sweating profusely and breathing heavily. He reached around his bed frantically, searching for his cellphone. He found it buried underneath his multitude of blankets. Checking the time, he was relieved to find that it was only four in the morning; no one would be up to see him in such a disheveled state.

It had all felt so real. The way he looked… The way he moved… The way his body had felt against Taekwoon’s… The way he had made Taekwoon feel…

He couldn’t handle it; just thinking of what he was dreaming about moments ago left him feeling weak in the knees and longing for something he knew he shouldn’t be. It wasn’t fair to Sanghyuk… it wasn’t fair to Taekwoon… None of this made any sense!

He couldn’t be having sexual dreams about his members, especially not one’s about Sanghyuk!

He threw himself from his bed, flinging blankets every which way as he went. He went to the bathroom first, splashing cold water all over his face, uncaring of if it got all over his clothes. He couldn’t take a shower; the noise would surely wake the only other occupant of the house. And Sanghyuk was the absolute last person he wanted to see right now. Taekwoon probably wouldn’t be able to look the younger male in the eye without blushing for months.

He couldn’t help it, though. His subconscious mind found Sanghyuk to be a suitable subject for his fantasies. And the show Sanghyuk had put on for him the other day really hadn’t helped matters in the least bit.

Wiping his face dry with a towel that smelled vaguely of Sanghyuk’s shampoo, Taekwoon made his way to the kitchen. He wanted water and something to eat. Hopefully that would reset his mind and he wouldn’t have to wake up sweating and panting for the second time that night.

He popped a tub of leftovers from his dinner the night before into the microwave and attempted to calm down.

It’s not like this dream meant anything out of the ordinary, right? He had dreams like this every once in a while, with both men and women; granted, none of those partners ever had a face to them or a name. He had never woken up feeling the way he did, either. He had a feeling that he’d be having a lot more of these dreams in the future, too.

That scared him.

Not because of who the subject was or because it was with a guy. It was because he actually _really_ liked what he had conjured up in his dream. Besides, even if his subconscious mind decided to star Sanghyuk, the attraction still was there in his conscious mind. Even thinking about it now left him wanting more… wanting the real thing. And not just in a sexual manner.

He wanted to see that beautiful smile directed at him.

He wanted to hear that laugh over something he had said.

He wanted that deep, strong, smooth voice to sing him a love song.

He wanted to be the subject of all his affection, to be shared with only the specialist of people.

He wanted to be kissed by those perfectly soft lips again, everywhere they could reach.

He wanted to touch perfect, alabaster skin, feel the muscles ripple underneath his touch.

He wanted to be touched in turn, held tightly by a much larger frame and strong arms.

And the more he thought about all this, the more he realized he didn’t just want it all, he needed it. Every fiber of his being knew it to be true.

It hadn’t happened right away or all at once; Taekwoon wasn’t even sure how it had happened at all. But there was no denying it now. Despite whatever lies he may tell himself now, Taekwoon was undoubtedly, one hundred percent in love with Sanghyuk. And he had a sneaking suspicion he had been all along, only he just hadn’t known that it was actually an option until Sanghyuk confessed so many nights ago.

He hated himself for it. How cruel of him to reject the guy, break his heart, making him cry and lose countless hours of sleep, only to realize he had been in love with him the whole time?

Incredibly cruel!

He could never tell Sanghyuk about this. He had no idea what his reaction would be and he really didn’t want to know.

Taekwoon had made Sanghyuk suffer through this hopeless longing, it was only fair Taekwoon suffer as well.

The quiet beeping of the microwave took Taekwoon out of his reverie. He sighed quietly, beginning the mental process of resigning himself to his fate.

He took out his tub of leftovers, setting it carefully on the counter before going in search of a bowl and some chopsticks.

“What are you doing up?” A voice asked as Taekwoon reached up for a bowl within the cabinets. He nearly dropped the bowl and knocked all the dishes on the shelf over, having been nearly scared to death.

The voice was at least an octave lower than it normally was, sounding way sexier than it had any business being. Taekwoon inwardly groaned at his own thoughts, refusing to turn and face the person he knew stood in the doorway of the kitchen. He knew his face was bright red and that he looked a mess; the dim lighting of the kitchen could only hide so much, and he didn’t want to risk Sanghyuk noticing something was off just yet.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Taekwoon whispered, trying to keep his voice steady.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Sanghyuk mumbled, shuffling around the kitchen. Taekwoon still refused to turn around. “You?”

“Same, I suppose,” Taekwoon answered. It wasn’t exactly a lie.

“It’s hard to when I know not everyone is hone,” Sanghyuk admitted. “Makes me a little sad… Lonely even. It’s even hard to sleep without Ravi-hyung’s snoring.”

Sanghyuk laughed at his own joke, melting Taekwoon’s heart instantly. A smile easily came to his face, a laugh escaped his lips.

“I don’t know how you sleep with that monster of a snore,” Taekwoon laughed.

“I know. It was practically impossible at first but now I can’t sleep at all without the sound of someone breathing,” he finished.

Taekwoon immediately wanted to offer to sleep in the same room. With all their other members away doing various promotions, no one but them would ever know. But Taekwoon quashed such a thought quickly; what a silly suggestion.

“Hey!” Sanghyuk exclaimed, his voice coming from right by Taekwoon’s right ear. He jumped slightly, trying to keep any involuntary shivers from racking his body at their new proximity. “Those are mine, you jerk!” He laughed and Taekwoon couldn’t stop the way he reacted. Sanghyuk was so close, hovering behind him to look over his shoulder. He could feel the other’s body heat against his back. He could feel Sanghyuk’s breath ghosting over his ear.

“I’m sorry, I must’ve grabbed the wrong tub…” Taekwoon whispered. His voice sounded weak, even to his own ears.

“Nah it’s alright,” Sanghyuk said, casually resting his chin on one of Taekwoon’s shoulders and an arm on the other. “I wasn’t going to eat it anyway.”

Taekwoon didn’t say anything else; he didn’t trust his own voice anymore. He knew this causal skinship was completely normal for the two of them but that didn’t stop Taekwoon’s skin from tingling under the touch.

“Hey are you okay?” Sanghyuk asked, seeming to finally notice something was off about Taekwoon. “You’re like… shaking…”

Taekwoon slammed the bowl he was holding down on the counter, causing an echoing clang to resound around the entire kitchen. Sanghyuk moved away from Taekwoon suddenly, startled by his outburst as Taekwoon whipped around to face Sanghyuk.

“I can’t take this anymore! Taekwoon practically shouted. Sanghyuk looked utterly at a loss by Taekwoon’s words.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He began to ask, obviously unsure of what to do.

“No I’m not okay. I can’t…” Taekwoon started but stopped himself; he knew if he started talking, he wouldn’t stop until it was all out there. Until all of his feelings were laid out for Sanghyuk to see.

“Can’t what? You can tell me anything, hyung.”

The uncensored kindness, the caring Taekwoon saw in Sanghyuk’s eyes was what finally made him snap. With a final deep breath, he spoke barely above a whisper.

“I can’t stop thinking about you… I-I-I don’t know what happened, or why, or when but I’ve fallen so god damn hard. Look at the mess you’ve made of me,” Taekwoon laughed bitterly, running a hand through slightly damp hair. Sanghyuk said nothing and Taekwoon couldn’t bring himself to look at the younger male. So he just kept talking.

“And I know that none of this is fair. After what you told me and what I caused to suddenly spring this on you now that you’re over it-“

“I’m not over it,” Sanghyuk cut him off. Taekwoon’s head snapped up to look at Sanghyuk, instantly meeting the dark eyes across from him.

“Wh-What?” His voice cracked over the words.

Sanghyuk sighed: “Oh Taekwoon, how in the world could I move on from someone as amazing as you?”

“But I thought-“

“What? That because I wasn’t moping around that I had moved on?”

“Well when you put it like that, it sounds stupid.”

“It makes me happy to be around you, to see you happy. Regardless of if we’re dating or not, as long as you’re happy, I’m happy. It would take a long time and a lot more rejections for me to get over you and that’s even if I wanted to.”

“You don’t want to?” Taekwoon asked.

“No, I don’t.” Sanghyuk stepped closer to Taekwoon, reaching out a hand to cup his cheek. Taekwoon leaned in to the touch easily. “Especially after hearing what you just said.”

Sanghyuk stepped even closer to Taekwoon, pushing him so close to the kitchen counter and himself. Taekwoon was forced to sit on top of the countertop, allowing Sanghyuk to get as close as he wanted. His left arm was braced against the counter, and his other still held Taekwoon’s cheek.

“I’m in love with you, Taekwoon. Have been since I first really got to know you,” Sanghyuk whispered.

Taekwoon thought about the last couple weeks. When he really thought about them, nothing had changed from before Sanghyuk had kissed him so many nights ago. His feelings for Sanghyuk were the same and yet entirely different all the same. He recognized what they really were… if only he could’ve known them from the start.

“I love you too,” Taekwoon admitted slowly. “It just took a really long time to figure it out.”

Sanghyuk brushed his lips lightly against Taekwoon’s forehead, like he was checking to make sure Taekwoon was actually there and not some figment of his imagination. That this was really happening.

“And you’re okay… okay with the fact we’re both guys?”

Taekwoon remembered the dance practices, the fleeting glimpses of skin, and finally the dream he had woken up from moments ago, along with just about everything else. Sanghyuk’s smile, his laugh, his voice, his kindness… his body… As long as it was Sanghyuk he really didn’t care what gender they were.

“More than okay… as long as it’s you,” Taekwoon whispered. “Especially after your seduction methods on the dance floor.”

Sanghyuk laughed again.

“I thought you’d like that,” he purred.

“You have no idea.”

Sanghyuk wasted no time after that, immediately bringing his lips down to meet Taekwoon’s. His plush lips were even softer than he remembered, than what he had conjured up in his mind.

He met Sanghyuk with equal intensity. Their lips slid fantastically together as they kissed languidly. Sanghyuk was so warm… All Taekwoon wanted was to be closer. He wrapped his arms tightly around Sanghyuk’s neck, weaving his hands in to fluffy blond hair. Sanghyuk’s hand began to rub soothing circles on the side of Taekwoon’s thigh, while his other moved from Taekwoon’s face to his back, pulling him as close as was physically possible.

In a moment of boldness, Taekwoon swiped his tongue against Sanghyuk’s bottom lip a few times when he opened his mouth within the kiss, trying to convey that he wanted more.

Sanghyuk practically growled in response, returning the gesture until Taekwoon fully opened his mouth for him. Then, their tongues tangled together as they kissed.

“We should get out of the kitchen,” Sanghyuk mumbled as he pulled away from the kiss. He moved his head to kiss at Taekwoon’s neck, waiting for a response.

“Where should we go?” Taekwoon sighed out, relishing in the feeling of Sanghyuk’s lips on his body.

“My room? Your room? The living room?” Sanghyuk laughed and Taekwoon shivered at the deep sound. “Hakyeon would throw a fit if he knew we were doing something so impure in the kitchen.”

Taekwoon didn’t think kissing was so impure… but then he thought about what Sanghyuk was insinuating. It was then that he fully realized just how aroused his way, how equally aroused Sanghyuk was as he pressed against Taekwoon. Instead of scaring him like it probably should have, the idea of truly being with Sanghyuk made him even more excited. Hakyeon would throw a fit if he ever found out they had sex in the kitchen.

“True…” Taekwoon laughed. “And what would we do in those rooms?” He asked; though, he had a pretty good idea what that answer would be.

Sanghyuk chuckled, moving up along Taekwoon’s jawline to his ear and placing kisses as he went, hot and openmouthed.

“Anything you want,” Sanghyuk whispered directly into Taekwoon’s ear. Punctuating the statement with a slow nip at Taekwoon’s earlobe and an even slower lick around the shell.

“M-my room,” Taekwoon choked out, trying his very hardest to keep silent. He already knew he’d be a moaning mess, but he wanted to prolong the inevitable for as long as possible.

He didn’t even have to look to know that Sanghyuk was smirking against his skin.

“Yes sir,” Sanghyuk whispered again, sounding entirely to cocky, entirely too seductive.

Taekwoon was in heaven as Sanghyuk easily lifted him up, handing under his ass. He wrapped his legs around the taller man’s waist, his arms still firmly around Sanghyuk’s neck. He never would’ve guessed that after the grief he caused, after really getting to know him, that something like this would happen. He never would’ve guessed, ever, that he’d have relations with a man, but he supposed love knew no boundaries.

As Sanghyuk laid him down on his bed gently, Taekwoon sat up on his elbows, watching appreciatively as Sanghyuk pulled his shirt off.

“What are you smiling about?” Sanghyuk asked, laughing as he crawled on to the bed; Taekwoon hadn’t even noticed he was smiling.

“Why are you smiling?” Taekwoon shot right back, watching as Sanghyuk crawled on top of him. He sat up, allowing Sanghyuk to take his T-shirt off, leaving them both naked from the waist up.

“I don’t think you know how happy having you return my feelings makes me… I had given up hope a while ago but now.” Sanghyuk looked down at him, an expression of pure adoration on his face.

“I want you,” Taekwoon whispered.

“Exactly,” Sanghyuk whispered, that sexy smirk reappearing on his face.

The next couple minutes went by in slow motion.

His hands were everywhere, his lips the same way. His body was warm against Taekwoon’s rapidly heating one. His skin was soft to the touch, hiding thick layers of muscle that Taekwoon could feel whenever Sanghyuk moved.

Sanghyuk kissed him on the lips first, deeply and as if he was trying to convey every emotion he felt. Taekwoon easily felt the love and affection. Sanghyuk moved lower then, trailing warm, wet kisses all the way down his body. Small whimpers escaped Taekwoon’s mouth as Sanghyuk’s hands traveled lower and lower, brushing against his side and sending wonderful shivers down his spine.

Taekwoon’s sweatpants and underwear were slowly removed next, right before Sanghyuk teased at his growing erection.

It wasn’t long before slicked up fingers were being pressed up into him. It was painful and uncomfortable at first, but Sanghyuk was gentle. He took everything slow, showering Taekwoon with kisses and compliments until he was a moaning mess, begging for more. Three fingers and a bit of teasing about how loud Taekwoon was being later, Sanghyuk was discarding his own underwear and slowing pushing himself in.

A choked cry escaped Taekwoon as he felt the pain again. Sanghyuk brushed his bands out of his eyes, kissing away the stray tears that escaped his eyes.

“Shh… it’ll be okay,” he promised over and over again. But eventually, Taekwoon couldn’t handle it anymore.

“Move,” he whispered.

“What?”

“Move, please!” He begged, whimpering as he clutched on to Sanghyuk’s shoulder. He easily complied, setting a slow rhythm that had Taekwoon seeing spots with everything thrust. Taekwoon came undone under Sanghyuk, continually crying out his name. Sanghyuk was loving through the entire process, whispering beautiful words into Taekwoon’s ear and kissing wherever he could reach.

It didn’t take long for Taekwoon to finish, moaning Sanghyuk’s name as he did. Sanghyuk followed soon after, groaning Taekwoon’s name in turn before collapsing on top of him.

They rearranged themselves after a while so that Taekwoon laid with his head on Sanghyuk’s chest, an arm and a leg slung around the larger male’s torso. Sanghyuk held Taekwoon close, strong arms holding him tight.

“Taekwoon?”

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t hurt you at all, did I?”

“No, I’m fine,” Taekwoon answered, even if that wasn’t exactly the truth. He kissed Sanghyuk’s chest below him. “Perfect actually.”

Sanghyuk pulled him closer in response, rubbing his bare upper arm.

“I’m glad,” Sanghyuk mumbled.

“Sanghyuk?” Taekwoon asked this time.

“Yeah?”

“Are we…?” Taekwoon didn’t know how to finish that question but Sanghyuk knew what he meant.

“Definitely, I’m not letting you get away that easily.”

“Good, because I don’t want to go anywhere.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> All comments appreciated. 
> 
> The next chapter of Light up the Darkness should be coming soon, thanks for being patient.


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